Mending the Beast Read online

  “Yes,” Anna disagreed. “And he would have pushed you away. As he tried to do with everyone. Those close to him disappeared…or died. He worried constantly. He did his best to push away Michael’s daughter, to try not to love her. He was afraid his love would be what got her killed. And in doing so, he showed she meant the world to him. He was still trying to save you, Ariel. I believe that even if you can’t. But then, I knew him from the time he was a young boy. I watched him grow. His mother was one of my closest friends.”

  Ariel wasn’t sure what to say. What to think. Anna was painting a far different picture of Thomas. One that didn’t have him starring as the villain. One that had Ariel questioning everything.

  “He killed the ones who’d hurt you that day. Said he wouldn’t rest until he knew they’d never hurt another woman the way they’d hurt you. He said you deserved no less than their blood.”

  “He…” Ariel paused, almost choking on the sob that wanted to escape. “What?”

  “He said if his child had lived, he’d have done no less for her. Then he loaded you back in his truck and took you home. I wasn’t sure if you’d make it or not.”

  “You said he cried when you knew I’d live,” Ariel reiterated.

  “I said you’d survive, physically. That didn’t mean you’d live. You’d been through hell. Physically as well as mentally and emotionally. I had no idea how you’d be when your body finally healed. I knew it would take time as I’d given you something to slow down the healing process. I needed to do that in order to do some repairs and assure you healed without the scar tissue that would have developed from the faster healing of your animal genetics. But it takes more than surviving to live. All I had to do was look at Thomas to understand that. He was always the survivor, but he became afraid of living. Without thought, he’d jump in to save someone else, but he never once tried to save himself.” She reached for Ariel, and Ariel couldn’t stop herself from flinching away from the touch. “Maybe, you’re more like him than you realize.”

  The words hit hard, like a punch to the gut that left her gasping for oxygen. Just like Thomas? Surviving but afraid to live? Anna had it all wrong. Ariel was nothing like Thomas. And if he’d shed tears while she’d been here, then they hadn’t been for her.

  “You’re wrong. Thomas went on living just fine. As for saving people… Well, I’m sure he had his reasons, and none of them were out of the goodness of his heart. He went right on manipulating and using those around him with no thought to how his choices affected others. Thomas is a selfish bastard.”

  “Thomas is a lot of things to a lot of people,” Anna admitted quietly. “But he’s the least selfish person I’ve ever met. No!” She continued when Ariel opened her mouth to argue. “I won’t hear anything else about him. Not from the ungrateful child you’ve most definitely become. He saved your life. And for what? What have you done? Have you passed it forward? Saved others? Or have you wallowed in self-pity and let the bitterness grow until it’s all you have?”

  “Bitterness? Self-pity?” Ariel fumed as she faced the other woman, hands clenched tightly at her sides. “You of all people know what was done to me.” She couldn’t breathe. Rage choked her, robbing her of much needed air.

  “Yes, I do. And I was wrong. You’re right. Thomas didn’t save you that day. You never survived. Thomas only managed to salvage the shell of the woman you were. Everything else was left in that clearing where it bled out and soaked into the ground the hunters staked you to. You didn’t survive. You didn’t live. You’re merely a ghost, passing time until your body follows your soul. He should have left you there to die.”

  Anna turned her back to Ariel as if disgusted with her. Ariel spun and stumbled her way through the house, going back the way they’d entered. She’d come back and check on Quinn, or maybe, it would be better if she didn’t and she left Quinn for Gideon and Vic. All Ariel knew was she couldn’t breathe. Might never be able to breathe again. And Anna’s words vibrated with every gasping breath Ariel took.

  He should have left you there to die.

  She moved from the house and headed straight to the woods, not steady enough to risk driving. She needed something more. To feel alive. To feel…alive. She stripped to the skin just inside the tree line and let her tiger take the reins. Then she ran. With no destination. Just the wind in her face as she raced under the trees, paws rustling the foliage beneath her feet. Everything was sharper, brighter, clearer from her tiger’s perspective. She simply moved in perfect harmony with nature around her, content in the fur of her animal.

  Still, no matter how hard or far she ran, she couldn’t get Anna’s words out of her head. There was a truth in them Ariel couldn’t deny. A big part of her had been left behind in the clearing where Thomas had found her. Her innocence. Her ability to trust. Her willingness to take a risk, to have fun. The hunters had taken more from her than she’d realized that day. It wasn’t her body, though it had certainly felt like it at the time. They’d broken it, but it had healed far more easily than the rest of her.

  She paused, coming to a stop midstride as she realized what she needed to do, where she needed to go. She had to return to the place where her life had changed. Or according to Anna, where Ariel had died. Maybe, if she went back, she could face the demons that continued to haunt her and find the piece of her soul she’d left behind. Maybe, she could finally begin to live, and when the image of her mate filled her mind, she knew she had to try. For herself. And for her mate. Daniel.

  Chapter Eight

  Daniel’s feet hit the floor as he vaulted from the bed to land in a crouch beside it, gaze scanning the room as a roar launched from his lungs to resonate in the air around him.

  “Whoa. Daniel, you good?” Tah’s voice had Daniel jerking his head over to stare at his alpha and the primal shifter who stood beside him, appearing ready to launch himself in front of Tah if needed. Aleksy. The behemoth’s name was Aleksy, and he was mated to Reno’s sister, Lyra.

  Daniel rolled his head on his neck in an attempt to relieve some of his tension. His body burned, muscles stretched tautly over sinew and bone. His senses were on fire as he soaked in everything around him. And in his head, his heart, his very soul was the call for his mate.

  “Ariel.” His voice came out deep, guttural. His normal baritone even lower as if something had damaged his vocal chords, but he hadn’t been injured there. He patted his chest, fingers trailing over to his side then down to his thigh before turning his right arm so he could complete the inventory of where he’d taken bullets during the fight with hunters. He hadn’t imagined it. He was healed. And his lion? He felt the beast ready to roar inside him.

  “Gabriel, Kenzie, Vic and Gideon went to meet her,” Tah reminded as if Daniel might have forgotten. He hadn’t. His anger reignited at the thought of someone else going to help his mate. It was his right. He should be the man she counted on. He needed to be that man.

  “I’m going after her.” A statement and he’d dare anyone to try and stop him.

  “Not a great idea,” Tah countered.

  A growl rumbled up from Daniel’s chest, and he couldn’t contain it.

  “Listen to you,” Tah snapped. “Hell, walk over and take a look in the mirror. You look like you’re ready to bust out of your skin. I don’t think you’re in the right frame of mind to go searching for the mate who’s been avoiding you.”

  Another growl at the reminder he didn’t need. Daniel was well aware that his mate hid when he came back. That she stayed hidden until he left again. He’d never once challenged her on it. He’d let it go, and now, he questioned it.

  What if he’d pressed to see her when he’d been around? Even if just in passing? Would he have made things worse? He didn’t see how. Or would he have gradually gotten through her defenses and slowly worked past the fears she harbored about the two of them? Maybe, she’d already be in his arms instead of him having this emptiness.

  That was a lot of maybes. Maybes were nothing. Reality was
everything. And reality was she wasn’t with him, and the man going to help her this time still wasn’t him.

  “I’m going to my mate,” he reiterated.

  “I’ll go with him.” It was Aleksy who spoke, his gaze squarely on Daniel even though he was speaking to Tah. “If anyone understands his current state and how to deal with it, it’s me.”

  His current state? He walked toward the mirror and glanced at it, startled by what he saw. The animal he’d felt slipping away now rode so close to the surface that his pale blue eyes glowed neon. His muscles visibly bulged as he rolled his shoulders. Primal. Aleksy was primal. Was that what was happening to him?

  “What was in that shot?”

  “Too much, apparently,” Tony answered as he walked in with Abby at his side. “I’ll need to dial it back before we use it again.”

  “If,” Tah corrected, his displeasure coming through loud and clear.

  “No matter how great a computerized trial is, I can’t fully account for how a shifter’s body will respond. There are too many differences across the species. No two of you are exactly alike. Take you and Daniel. Both lions. Similar biology. Yet different. Then there’s Aleksy,” Tony continued.

  “There’s no one even close to Aleksy,” Abby stated emphatically then laughed aloud when Tah growled his displeasure. She crossed to him, and Daniel felt a deep pang of longing when Tah lifted her off her feet as he kissed her. Her legs wrapped around his waist.

  The sheer intimacy of the moment only served to emphasize what Daniel lacked, what he wanted, what he craved with every breath he took. He’d give anything to be able to walk into a room where Ariel was and have her respond to him in such a way. Hell, he’d give anything to have her stay in the fucking room if he walked in. Or would have. Now, he had to find a way to bridge the distance between them. Distance he’d placed with two words. Words he vowed he’d never say again.

  “Get a room,” he groused as he grabbed the clothes someone had left out for him. He tugged on the jeans then pulled the shirt over his head. It was snug, much more so than the last he’d worn it. Dropping into a chair he pulled on socks and shoes before pointing at Aleksy. “If you’re going with, let’s go.”

  “Not yet,” Tony said. “I promised Professor Mueller another blood sample before we leave.”

  “We?” Daniel asked.

  Tony pointed between him and Aleksy. “Where he goes, I go. Always.”

  “True,” Aleksy agreed. “We’re a team.”

  “Part of our team now, I hope,” Tah said as Abby’s feet touched the ground.

  “Of course,” Tony said. “I do admit, though, that I’m looking forward to our house being finished. No offense but I like my creature comforts.”

  “Weren’t you a Ranger?” Tah questioned.

  “Once upon a time,” Aleksy deadpanned.

  “Sample.” Tony ignored them while he pointed at Daniel. “Then we’ll take the helicopter. Aleksy can head over and make sure it’s fueled and ready to go. Me, you, Lyra, and Aleksy. One of our teams came in last night. My friend, Mitch, and his group. We can see if he and Jonah want to tag along. They’re men you’d want to have your back. Ones I trust to guard mine.”

  “Mitch will go.” Aleksy’s voice held no doubt. “The man doesn’t know how to stop. Reminds me of someone else I know.” The look he turned on Tony was loud and clear, but Tony ignored it. So did Daniel.

  “How soon can we be ready to go?” Daniel held out his arm while Tony went about collecting what he needed.

  “Within the hour,” Aleksy replied. “Meet us over at the helipad once you’re all clear here. I’ll go make sure Lyra’s ready to go and see you both over there. Tah.” With a head bow toward the alpha, Aleksy turned and headed out.

  “I’ll get these to the lab and meet you over there, Daniel,” Tony said as he followed Aleksy out.

  Abby shared a look with her mate, and Daniel knew they were having an entire conversation he wasn’t privy to. Tah kissed his wife and watched her until she was no longer in his sight before turning back to Daniel.

  “Are you sure about this?”

  “She’s my mate.”

  Tah sighed. “That’s the problem, Daniel. She isn’t. She hasn’t wanted to be, and I’m not sure you running after her right now is going to change that. The way your animal has gone from dormant to raging wakefulness has the potential to make things even worse.”

  Daniel shook his head. “That’s where you’re wrong. It can’t get worse.”

  “It can,” Tah countered. “She’s running. What if you chasing her only makes her run harder? Run faster and farther? Are you willing to accept that risk?”

  “I can’t stand aside anymore,” Daniel admitted. “Where we are right now is killing us both. We need each other. Maybe, if I’m there this time, she’ll see that I can be there every time. If she just lets me in.”

  “Daniel—”

  “It’s a risk I have to take. I hear what you’re saying. I get the warning loud and clear. But we can’t keep running from each other, and make no mistake, that’s what we’ve both been doing since I opened my fucking mouth and spoke the words I’d give anything to take back. I can’t. The blood on my hands won’t wash away those two words or the emotions that raged through her when I spoke them. I don’t want to die, but I’ll never truly live without her.”

  “What are you saying?” Tah crossed his arms over his chest as he stared Daniel down.

  “If she chooses to walk away this time. If she doesn’t want to give us a chance.” He paused, taking a deep breath before finishing. “I won’t be back.”

  “Not acceptable,” Tah growled.

  “I’m not asking. I’m telling you.”

  “Gabriel will go after you. Laura, too. Do you want to risk her, now? With the pregnancy?”

  Daniel knew sadness showed on his face. He didn’t even try to hide it. “I trust Finn to see to his mate. Laura will be fine. Besides, they’ll know where to find me. I said I wouldn’t be back, not that I was going into hiding.”

  “You’re a member of this pride, Daniel. We need you.”

  “And I’ll always be willing to help. Just not here. We’ve talked about sending people out to hunt for lone shifters unaware of who and what they are. I can do that. I can help give them a fighting chance against the hunters, who go out to do that same.” He shook his head. “I can’t spill enough blood to make up for what they did to her. But maybe, I can prevent what was done to her from happening to another female shifter. Maybe, that’s what I should have been doing all along. All I know is I can’t keep going on the way I have been. Putting both Murphy and I in danger with my sheer recklessness. I can’t be that man anymore.”

  “And if you and Ariel find your way? What then?”

  “I think we’ll make a great team in the field. Finding and saving shifters. Sending them to a place they can call home. Where they can find family and a sense of belonging. Unless, she feels differently. But I don’t think she will. I feel it in my gut, with my animal instinct. That’s the path we need to take. Together.”

  Tah looked thoughtful for a long moment before slowly nodding his head. “I won’t let you go. Either of you. You’re family. You and Ariel. This will always be your home.”

  Daniel reached for Tah’s hand and found himself pulled into a hard hug instead. Tah slapped him on the back then squeezed before stepping back.

  “I’ll call Gideon and let him know you’re heading out. I’m sure they’ll keep on going. Especially, if Gabriel suspects you might not come back.”

  Daniel laughed. “I’m sure he will. My brother seems to think he always knows what’s best for me.”

  “He loves you,” Tah stated.

  “He does. Despite the wedge my father tried to drive between us.” He gave thanks to Laura for still having a good relationship with Gabriel. She’d stepped in, become family, and kept the two of them from drifting too far apart. Somehow, she’d made herself the younger sister Daniel and
Gabriel had never had and saved them in the process. “I love him, too.”

  Tah glanced behind them toward the door where Laura had appeared with a pack held in her hands. Daniel knew without asking that it was for him. Tah or Abby must have let her know he was leaving, and she’d put his stuff together for him.

  “I’ll leave you two alone.” Tah reached out and squeezed Daniel’s shoulder. “Call me when you get there.”

  “Will do,” Daniel vowed then held his arms open. Laura dropped the bag and barreled into him. Pregnancy was definitely affecting her emotions. She seemed to cry at the drop of a hat. Or maybe, that was merely Daniel’s experience.

  “I seem to always make you cry,” he whispered as he held her close.

  “I can’t do this again, Daniel. I keep watching you leave, wondering if you’ll be coming back. Wondering if it’ll be the last time I see you.” She shuddered in his embrace before glancing up at him. “Don’t make me grieve you. We may not be related by blood, but you’re my brother in every way that matters. I need you. My baby needs to know their Uncle Daniel.”

  He smiled. “Already using the kid to get your way, huh?”

  She gave a watery laugh that might have ended on a choked sob. “If it works.”

  “Do you remember how you felt when you thought Finn had died? That you’d lost him forever?”

  She nodded. “Of course. I wanted to…” Her words trickled off as her eyes lit up. “I wanted to die, too. Daniel.”

  “I’m not running away this time, Laura. I’m not diving into a dangerous situation to try and prove anything. I’m going to my mate because she needs help, and I want to be the person who provides it. I need to be that person. Can you understand that?”

  “Yes,” she agreed. “But what happens if she runs from you? What if she leaves? What then, Daniel? What keeps you from falling back into the place you’ve been lately?”

  “I know it’s a lot to ask, but I need you to trust me on this. I won’t go back down the road I’ve been on. Meeting with Ariel was like a reinforcement of my dad telling me I’d never been enough. That I was weak and undeserving. I took Ariel’s reaction and let it validate every negative seed he ever planted. That’s on me.”