Beautiful Dreamer Read online

  There was so much she’d missed, and so much she needed to remember. But for now, there was only this. The two of them, and the love they still shared. It was more than enough.

  Chapter Four

  Chase headed out of the apartment when Seth called and asked her to meet him. They planned to meet just down the street. Phillip was out running errands he couldn’t put off, but she figured she’d be safe in downtown Chicago. Besides, she wouldn’t be alone for long.

  That had been the theory, but it was a different story now that she was outside. She stopped and glanced around again. Her skin crawled with unease. She swore she was being followed, but she couldn’t figure out who it was. Unless she was just being paranoid, which was quite possible. Her breathing was fast and choppy, making her feel a bit lightheaded.

  Phillip had told her to stay inside and that he’d be back soon. She was the one who’d decided to step out on her own, proving to both of them she was healing. She was only going a few blocks, nothing big. She could do this, or that had been her belief before she’d ventured out alone.

  It wasn’t easy. Someone had tried to kill her, had succeeded in killing Jocelyn and Chase couldn’t remember who it was. The only person she knew for sure she was safe with was Phillip. So, why had she left without him? Because she trusted Seth, and he needed to see her. Jocelyn would have expected her to make sure Seth was okay. Despite her missing memory, Chase didn’t believe for a moment Seth would have hurt either of them. Had he been anywhere around, he would have protected them with his life.

  Jesus! This was ridiculous. She could do this. She had to. She needed to prove to herself she was capable of doing things by herself or she’d spend the rest of her life afraid of her own shadow. It was daylight in the middle of Chicago. Intense cold was the only thing threatening her at the moment. She straightened her spine, took a deep breath and barely held in a scream when someone grabbed her arm.

  “Chase?”

  She looked up into the sad, brown eyes of Jocelyn’s boyfriend.

  “Seth! You scared the hell out of me.”

  “Sorry, I thought you saw me when you stopped.” Seth reached up and pulled his hat down before blowing on his gloveless fingers. “I needed to see you. Your boyfriend didn’t seem too keen on it, wouldn’t let me see you at the hospital. I was a little surprised you answered the phone at the apartment.”

  “Phillip said they weren’t letting anyone in to see me. It wasn’t just you, Seth. He told me you stopped by, though.”

  Seth snorted. “He’s a protective son-of-a-bitch, but I can’t blame him. I’d do the same if it was Jocelyn standing here.”

  She bit her lip to hold back more of her seemingly endless supply of tears. “I’m so sorry.”

  He looked up, down, over her shoulder. Anywhere but at her. “We both lost her,” he finally said. “Have you been to the grave yet?”

  She shook her head.

  “I go every day. I… Who did this to you? Who killed Jocelyn?”

  Someone jostled her as she and Seth stood there, and she glanced around, realizing they still stood on the sidewalk, talking.

  “I was on my way to the cafe to meet you,” she said. “It’ll be quieter there, less crowded and warmer. We can sit. Feel like coffee?”

  He nodded and forged a path ahead of her toward a small diner she and Phillip often stopped at. Seth led her to a table in the back corner and sat with his back to the wall, facing her.

  “You two need menus?” the waitress asked as she walked up to them.

  “Two coffees,” Seth said, never taking his eyes off Chase.

  “Sure thing.” The woman flipped over their cups and came back immediately with a full pot, pouring them each a steaming cup. “Need any cream?”

  Chase smiled and shook her head. “We’re good, thank you.”

  “Okay. Well, holler if you need anything else.”

  The waitress moved to another table, and Chase looked back at Seth.

  “Who did this?” Seth asked, and Chase saw murder in his eyes. “I keep asking questions, but the cops don’t like to share information. I need to know who did this.”

  “I don’t know,” she told him.

  “Then describe the person to me,” he demanded. “I’ll figure it out. I’ve got connections.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think you understand. I don’t remember. Anything.”

  He stared at her, his gaze intense in its focus on her. “Amnesia?”

  She nodded. “The doctor said there’s a chance I might remember, given time.”

  “But you might not?” Seth asked.

  “No, I might not.”

  He rubbed his fingers over his lips and let out what sounded like a sigh of frustration. “Someone beat her,” he said, eyes looking off into space as if he were seeing Jocelyn. “They beat her then choked her. I can’t get that out of my head. I close my eyes and see her, laughing and smiling. I open them and see the way she looked in the morgue. I need someone to pay for what was done to her.” He finally met her eyes. “To both of you.”

  “I know,” she agreed.

  “The cops came to see me, took me in for questioning. I spent a night in jail.” He looked her squarely in the eyes and didn’t blink. “I didn’t do this. I swear it.”

  “I know you didn’t,” she assured him. “I know how much you cared about Jocelyn.”

  “Yeah,” he whispered and glanced away. “She was the one good thing in this world.”

  They sat in silence for a long moment before he spoke again. “I’m leaving Chicago. Too many memories in this city. Everywhere I go, I see her.”

  Chase nodded. “I understand.”

  “I’m glad you and the cop worked it out. Jocelyn used to tell me your guy was one of the really good ones. She loved you.”

  “I loved her, too.”

  “I know. I’ll… I’m planning on heading out in a few days—unless the cops decide I’m a suspect again. I’ll be in touch when I figure out where I’m going. I’d like for you to let me know if you ever remember. Will you promise me that?” Seth asked.

  His eyes were hard and cold, but Chase knew it wasn’t directed at her. If he ever found out who’d done this, they’d pay for it with their life. In that moment, she knew she could never tell him if she remembered. He’d kill the person responsible, and it would destroy him. She couldn’t let that happen. She met his gaze and nodded anyway, knowing she was lying.

  “Do you need any help over the next few days? Anything I can do?” she asked.

  “I’m just packing up shit. Lauren’s getting Jocelyn’s stuff boxed up at the apartment. She said she put something aside for me, so I’ll go by and see Nicole.”

  “How’s Nicole doing?” Chase asked.

  “She’s been pretty broken up about Jocelyn.”

  Chase knew Seth had never liked Jocelyn’s roommate. He’d always said there was just something about Nicole that made him uncomfortable. Chase and Jocelyn could never figure out what it was, and Seth had never said. Most of the time, Nicole was so quiet you forgot she was even in the room.

  “I hope, someday, you’ll find happiness,” Chase told him. “Jocelyn would have wanted that for you.”

  “Jocelyn was an amazing woman. She told me she was taking you away to beat some sense into you about the cop. She knew you loved him and would be miserable without him.” He suddenly paled, squeezing his eyes shut for a minute. “God, I’m sorry. That was stupid. I didn’t mean… She wasn’t really… God.”

  “It’s okay,” Chase assured him. “I know what you meant.” Jocelyn had always threatened to beat some sense into this person or that one. It was just a phrase she’d used. Seeing how badly Seth took his slip of the tongue made Chase realize she didn’t ever want to know exactly what had happened to Jocelyn before she’d died. Chase had briefly thought of asking Phillip to see the crime scene photos of Jocelyn. She’d changed her mind. She didn’t want to see them. Not now, and maybe, not ever.

&nbs
p; “Take care of yourself,” Seth urged, and Chase knew he was leaving.

  “I will,” she promised. When he went to rise, she gripped his hand and held it. “Jocelyn loved you.”

  “Don’t.”

  “She did. I asked her once what she saw in you. The bar fights, the brooding, the silence. She said it was because you still had demons to slay, but she knew who you were on the inside, in places you no longer remembered to look. She knew you were good, and she never thought otherwise.”

  “Chase—”

  “She believed in you. No matter where you go, remember that. She believed in you.”

  “Thank you,” was all he said as he stood. He touched her shoulder and gave it a squeeze as he passed and headed out the door, his coffee still untouched on the table.

  She sat for a minute, just staring.

  “Everything okay?” The waitress startled her as she came up with the coffeepot to see if Chase needed a refill. Her coffee was lukewarm now, and she no longer felt like drinking it.

  “Fine, thank you. How much do I owe?”

  “Your friend already paid on the way out,” she said and moved on with a nod.

  Chase wasn’t sure how long she sat there lost in thought before her phone rang. The ringtone announced exactly who it was. Shit! She’d been hoping to be back to the apartment before Phillip returned from his errands. He had to go back to work in four days and needed to take care of a couple things before then.

  “Hey—”

  “Where the fuck are you?” he roared, his yell cutting off anything else she might have said. She cringed, looking around to see if anyone else could hear him.

  “I ran out for a bit.” She hurried to get up from the table and moved toward the door. “I’m heading back now.”

  “I told you to stay here.”

  “I only planned to be gone for a minute. I just went down the block,” she told him.

  “I’ll come meet you,” he said, and she heard him slamming a door. “Where are you?”

  She opened her mouth to argue, to tell him to wait, but thought better of it. He needed to come find her, and she wanted him with her. They both dreaded him going back to work, but he couldn’t stay on leave forever. They’d spent a blissful nine days cooped up in the apartment, ordering takeout and watching movies between bouts of making love. It had been amazing, but it was time to face reality, for both of them.

  “At the diner down the street from the apartment,” she said and told him which one.

  “Stay inside,” he ordered. “I’m on my way.”

  She sighed as he disconnected without saying another word. She debated whether or not to go back inside and order fresh coffee. Instead, she walked slowly toward the apartment. She’d just meet him. He was already upset she’d gone out without him. He would blow a gasket when she told him she’d seen Seth. The two men had always rubbed each other the wrong way.

  “Chase!”

  She looked up and found herself wrapped in Phillip’s strong arms and hauled against his chest.

  “You were supposed to stay put,” he muttered, but she heard the concern in his voice.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, and she was. “I didn’t plan to be gone long.”

  “That’s not the point,” he argued. “If you needed something, you should have called me.”

  “Fresh air,” she said. “Can you pick that up and bring it back to me?”

  “Chase.” Warning filled his voice.

  “The apartment reeks of sex and Chinese food,” she told him. “I wanted to get out for a bit. You were gone before I even rolled out of bed.”

  “That’s because I was hoping to find you still there when I got home,” he stated huskily, sending a ghost of a smile across her lips as he threw his arm across her shoulders and they began walking. He matched his gait to her much slower one without being asked.

  “What are we going to do when you go back to work on Monday?” she asked with a moan.

  “We still have four days,” he reminded her and linked his fingers with hers. “How about we grab a pizza tonight?”

  She laughed. “Aren’t you getting tired of eating out all the time?”

  “You want to get groceries instead?” he offered.

  “How about spaghetti?”

  “Mmm,” he groaned, rubbing his tummy with his free hand. “I’ve really missed your cooking.”

  “I love you,” she told him. She made a point of telling him every day now. They’d almost lost each other. She’d never let another day pass without telling him she loved him.

  He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and turned her toward him, lowering his head and taking her mouth in a heated kiss that warmed her to her toes. She was tingling when he pulled his lips away.

  “Come on,” he whispered against her cheek. “I’m starving.”

  She wasn’t sure if he was referring to dinner or her. Either way, she agreed.

  * * * * *

  Chase waited until dinner was finished, dishes rinsed and put in the dishwasher, and they were both on the couch before she told him she’d gone out to meet Seth.

  “I figured he’d stop by here soon,” Phillip admitted, surprisingly not angry at all. “I was waiting. He’s been down at the station checking in every day. I figured it was just a matter of time before he came to you for answers.”

  “He told me you wouldn’t let him visit me in the hospital,” she said and shook her head when he just shrugged his shoulders without apology.

  “You were working on getting better so you could come home,” Phillip stated. “Plus, you were dealing with losing Jocelyn. The last thing you needed was to have Seth in your face, demanding answers you didn’t have.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “You take great care of me.”

  He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and ran his fingers up and down her upper arm. “I’d do anything for you,” he vowed. “How did Seth take the news?”

  “That I don’t remember anything?” she asked, and Phillip nodded. “Not happy. He wants answers. I think he needs them to be able to move past this.”

  “He went to the morgue as soon as he got out of jail. He was the first one to see her. I’d raced to the hospital to be with you. Jocelyn’s parents were out of state for the weekend, and no one wanted Lauren to see… Well, it was just better that Lauren not be the one.”

  “They let him in with her?” Chase asked.

  “I okayed it,” Phillip admitted, surprising her. “I may not understand the guy, but I don’t think he did this. If I did, he would have spent more than a night in jail.”

  “He can’t ever find out who did this,” she murmured and glanced up at Phillip. “He’ll kill them, and it’ll destroy him.”

  Phillip nodded in agreement.

  “He’s leaving,” she told him, watching him closely to gauge his reaction.

  “He’s been cleared. We can’t officially hold him,” he replied. “I’ll let Grant know anyway, so we can keep tabs on him.”

  “He didn’t do this,” she argued.

  “I believe you,” he said. “He’s not a suspect, but he’s still a person of interest. His only alibi was he was home alone.”

  “Because Jocelyn was with me,” she stated.

  He nodded. “Anyway, I understand his need to leave. He’ll never move on if he stays here. Jocelyn was the type of woman who owned every place she visited. She was too vivacious, too full of life for him not to picture her whenever he goes someplace the two of them had been.”

  “She was,” Chase said with a smile that ended with a sniffle. “God, I miss her so much.”

  “I know, honey. I know,” Phillip soothed.

  “It’s time,” she told him. “I know you wanted to put off my going to the cemetery until I was much better, and I appreciate it. I really do. I can’t keep prolonging it though. I feel like a coward for not going sooner.”

  “We’ll go tomorrow,” he promised. “I’ll take you.”

  “I thought I
might call Lauren,” Chase said. “See if she wants to meet me there. I haven’t seen her since before everything. Jocelyn would expect me to keep an eye on her baby sister.”

  “Okay,” Phillip said. “I’ll take you and wait in the truck while you two go to the grave.”

  “Thank you.”

  * * * *

  Phillip pulled her in to his side and relaxed as she curled against him. They sat quietly, watching a romantic comedy on cable. He wanted to hear her laugh, wanted to wipe the sadness off her face, if only for a short time. She’d asked him to be honest with her, no more secrets. Then she’d cut him off before he could tell her about the proposal. Later, when he’d had the chance, he’d kept it from her again, silenced by his fear.

  He was afraid of losing her, which was stupid. They were as close as they had been, if not closer. Still, every time he thought about telling her, he remembered her walking away, the door closing between them. He would tell her. Hell, he planned to ask her to marry him again. Not yet, though, not with someone out there who might want her to go back to sleep permanently. Until she was safe, he’d keep the proposal to himself.

  The movie ended, and he turned to drop a kiss on her upturned nose. She smiled softly at him, and he saw his whole world reflected in her eyes. She was his future, his wife, the woman he wanted to be the mother of his children. He wanted to grow old with her and make a lifetime of memories. He loved her.

  He scooped her up against his chest and stood. “Let’s go to bed,” he growled, giving her a bit of a toss that had her squealing.

  She giggled and wrapped both hands around his neck, running kisses along his jaw up to his ear as he carried her.

  “I want to make love to you,” she whispered. “I want to strip you naked and have my wicked way with you.”

  “How wicked is this way?” he asked as he dropped her onto the bed and joined her.

  “Oh, the things I’m going to do to you…” she promised.

  “Yeah?”