Beautiful Dreamer Read online

  So, here she sat in a wheelchair, waiting for Phillip to bring his truck around. Twenty-four days. That’s how long she’d been in the hospital. Fourteen days in a coma and ten more recovering enough to be released. Almost a whole month since Jocelyn had been taken from her, and she still remembered nothing. Phillip was still acting differently around her, too, and she was starting to worry he might have broken things off with her before this had happened. It would explain why he’d yet to really kiss her.

  The truck pulled up, and Phillip ran around the front. She’d just pushed up to stand when he scooped her up in his arms.

  “Phillip,” she protested. “I can walk. It took me long enough,” she grumbled. “I can manage now.”

  “I know,” he stated. “I want to carry you. Get the door for me instead.”

  He dipped his head and breathed in the scent of her hair. That had to mean something. Every day, he told her he loved her. She saw the sincerity in his eyes. He wasn’t lying about that. Still, she knew he was keeping something from her.

  She fumbled for her seatbelt as he shut the door and ran back around to the driver’s side. He’d just shifted the truck into gear when she asked the question she never once thought to ask at the hospital.

  “Was there alcohol or drugs in my system?” They would have told her that, wouldn’t they?

  “No,” he grunted and turned the wheel to exit the parking lot. “The doctor would have mentioned that to you when you woke up. Where did that question come from?”

  “I just…” She let her words trickle off. “I feel like you’re holding something back from me.”

  He sighed, something he seemed to be doing a lot since she’d woken.

  “I’m not trying to hold anything back from you,” he promised. “Let’s get you home and settled in. Then we’ll talk. I’ll…I’ll tell you everything. No secrets,” he glanced at her briefly before shifting his eyes back to the road. “Promise.”

  She nodded, fingers worrying each other in her lap the rest of the drive home. He let her walk this time and didn’t say a word about how long it took her. The nurse had warned Chase to be patient and give her body time, but damn, she couldn’t wait for the day she could walk up a short flight of stairs without getting winded.

  “Here we are,” Phillip said as he opened the door for her.

  She looked around as they entered. Everything was the same, though maybe a little untidy. With Phillip living mostly at the hospital with her these past few weeks, it made sense. He’d taken an extended leave, and most of the first week had been spent at the hospital.

  “Have a seat on the couch,” Phillip said. “I’ll get you something to drink. Water? Tea? Or I’ve got some Diet Coke.”

  “Diet Coke,” she said as she made her way to the sofa. “It feels so good to be home,” she practically moaned as she relaxed into the cushions.

  “It’s good to have you back here,” he told her and handed the cold can of soda to her.

  He sat heavily on the other end of the sofa and laid his head along the back. She drank him in with her eyes, placing the unopened can between her thighs. How was it possible to love someone as much as she loved him? To want him the way she did? In the hospital, she’d longed for the moments he held her close against his chest. When he did though, he cradled her so gingerly, as if she’d break at the slightest pressure.

  She let her gaze soak him up. He looked tired, exhausted, actually. With all the running he’d been doing lately, he needed rest more than she did. She sat quietly, watching him as his breathing evened out. Cautiously, she stood and moved as quietly as she could. There was clutter here and there, but everything looked just as she remembered. Same framed pictures around the room, same knickknacks Phillip always good-naturedly griped about. It was all the same until she entered the bedroom.

  Boxes. There were boxes along the wall, and one glance told her what was in them. Her things. Clothes spilled out of an open one on the floor. Tears fell unchecked as she looked through them, being as quiet as she could so she wouldn’t disturb Phillip. How hard this must be for him, bringing her here when he obviously didn’t want her.

  It’s over, then.

  The words came vividly to her mind. Phillip saying them, and she knew he’d been speaking to her. She tried to recall more, but nothing else came. She was so damn tired of not remembering the things she desperately needed to know. It made no sense. Since she’d woken, Phillip had told her repeatedly that he loved her. She didn’t feel as if he were lying.

  She was mulling it over as she reached for the last box. She opened it slowly, glancing through the abundance of clutter it held. Some hair ties and bands along with a brush. A bottle of her favorite perfume. Some paperback, romance novels. The teddy bear Phillip had won for her at the state fair. Little things that meant so much. The headbands were Jocelyn’s. Chase was always borrowing them and not returning them. The perfume was a reminder of her mother. Chase didn’t wear it. Instead, she sprayed it on the bear, just to remember her mom. It was a box of memories she couldn’t handle right now.

  She heard the door and looked up to see Phillip standing there, arms crossed over his chest as he took in the mess she’d left scattered as she’d opened boxes. He had the saddest expression on his face.

  “I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” he said. “I wanted to talk to you. Explain.” His glance took in the opened boxes around her.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered brokenly then held up a hand to stop him when he shifted as if to walk toward her. “Don’t. I…I shouldn’t be here.”

  “Fuck that,” he growled. “There’s nowhere else you should be.”

  “Phillip, stop.” She shook her head. “I knew you were keeping something from me. I had no idea it was this. I… Are you seeing someone else?”

  “What?” The word was almost a roar.

  Anger finally kicked in. Not at him, not really. More at the situation and how helpless she felt. “Well, is there? Is that why you told me it was over?”

  “I told you?” He appeared incredulous. “Oh, that’s rich.”

  “I remember you saying those words to me. ‘It’s over, then’.”

  He snorted and slammed his fist against the door. “Everything else you’ve forgotten, and that’s what you remember?”

  “Did you say them or not?” she demanded.

  “Yes.” His teeth were gritted. Voice clipped with anger. His face showed something else. Hurt. He was hurt by her.

  Seeing his pain had hers melting away, leaving a deep sadness behind. No wonder she’d gone to sleep. She’d lost everything that meant anything to her. Phillip and Jocelyn. What was there to keep her awake?

  “After you said them to me,” he tacked on.

  “What?”

  “You broke things off with me,” he stated, and misery clouded his gaze.

  “Why?” She shook her head in frustration. “Why would I do that? I love you, Phillip. I know I do.”

  He walked over and sat on the bed beside her. “Remember the talk we had in the hospital about how you were afraid of me getting hurt?”

  She nodded.

  “That’s why. A couple officers were killed in the line of duty. I think it was a big wake-up call for you. You tried, but you didn’t think you were cut out to be in a long-term relationship with a cop. We—”

  “How long?” she interrupted.

  “What?” he asked.

  “How long before Jocelyn and I were attacked? How long ago did we break up?”

  “Two weeks before the attack.”

  “Were we still talking?”

  “You wanted time,” he answered.

  She closed her eyes, thinking. When she opened them, the anger was back. “So that was it? You let me walk away?”

  “Fuck you,” he rasped quietly, hurt and betrayal in his gaze. “I was like a zombie when you walked out those doors. I went through the motions, and that was about it. I worked until I came home and passed out from exhaustion. Burt said
to give you time. You’d come around and realize how great we were together, how great we are together. So, I was trying. I was giving you some space while you were getting the shit beat out of you on the side of the road.”

  “No.” She shook her head frantically, turning toward him. “None of this is your fault.”

  “Maybe, if I’d gone after you—” he started to argue, but she pressed her fingers to his lips.

  “We can’t play the maybe game. It won’t get us anywhere.” She rose up on her knees as she faced him. “Answer one question for me.”

  “Anything,” he swore.

  “Do you love me? Right now. Do you love me?”

  “I never stopped,” he assured her.

  She crawled closer to him. “I love you. I wasn’t lying when I said that was the one thing I knew for sure. I don’t care what happened before. I need you. Now more than ever.”

  He reached for her, tugging her the rest of the way over his lap until she sat astride him. He took her mouth as she’d longed for him to do since she’d woken. She plunged her fingers into his hair, threading them through the ebony locks and tugging him closer, holding him there and enjoying the rasp of his scruff against her skin. They drank from each other, breaking apart only when their lungs burned then grabbing a deep breath, they came together for more.

  Phillip turned her on the bed until she lay underneath him. He covered her, rubbing his hard length against her and making her moan with need. His hands were everywhere, stroking her body to life and leaving it begging for more.

  “Phillip.” His name was all she could manage when their lips briefly broke apart. His kiss took her under again before nibbling a path across her jaw and down her throat. He jerked at the buttons on her shirt, ripping it free of her jeans and spreading it wide.

  “God, you are so beautiful,” he whispered, skimming his lips across her flesh, causing her nipples to pebble and bead into hard points.

  “You make me feel beautiful,” she murmured. She ran her hand down his side, then under his shirt to caress the grooved muscles of his abdomen.

  “Then I must be doing something right,” he said and took her mouth again.

  She caught his shoulders with her hands and lifted herself up against him, pressing her curves against his hardness. She lifted one thigh, wrapping it around his hip and rubbing herself wantonly against the bulge of his sex. Desire was like a molten inferno in her veins. She needed him, needed him to make her feel infinitely alive.

  She moaned again as he sank down into her, pressing her harder into the mattress. He used one hand to cup her breast, fingers toying with the nipple through her bra. Then he brushed them down her side and across her stomach, leaving her flushed with the need for so much more. He dipped his head and shifted, lips following fingers, tasting her and awakening every nerve beneath her skin. He stopped to unsnap the front clasp of her bra and pull the cups wide.

  He lowered his head again and flicked his tongue across one hard point then sucked it greedily into his mouth.

  “I want you,” he groaned against the curve of her naked breast as he nuzzled his way over to her other nipple.

  “Yes.” She lifted into him. “Take me.”

  Everything became a blur of motion as they tore clothes from each other. They rolled on the bed, back and forth, changing places as they worked together to strip. When bare skin met bare skin, they both sighed, and the storm of lust settled around them as they came together. The first time was hard and fast, their need too desperate to allow for anything else. The second was still wild, though not as frantic as the first. With the slight easing of sexual tension, they touched and explored, reminding each other how good they were together. When they came, it was as one, hands clasped palm-to-palm beside Chase’s head while Phillip thrust deep and held himself there.

  He dropped a soft kiss to her lips and fell to the side. She glanced over and soaked him in. His black hair was disheveled; his skin was sweat-sheened, emphasizing the play of muscles as he gulped in air beside her. No one took her breath away as he did. No one made her feel so cherished and loved. She couldn’t understand how she’d managed to break up with him in the first place. He was her Prince Charming, her knight in shining armor, and he always would be. His decision to give her time and space showed that. He’d put her needs first. It was who he was.

  They were both content, but far from sated when he reached for her a third time and rolled her against his chest.

  “I always admired your stamina,” she murmured huskily, snaking down a hand to slide her palm along his growing erection.

  He chuckled. “I can’t get enough of you. Tell me you’ll stay this time, talk to me and try to work out any problems that arise. Don’t walk away from me again.”

  “I won’t,” she vowed. “You can’t keep things from me, though. You should have told me about the breakup. I may not remember the details, but I’m willing to bet the weekend away was Jocelyn’s attempt at setting me straight. She knew how much I love you. She wouldn’t have let me walk away from the best thing that ever happened to me. She was very fond of telling me you were my chance at a happy ever after.”

  “I always liked Jocelyn,” he admitted and held Chase tighter when she began to cry again. He didn’t say anything, just stroked his hand up and down her spine, soothing her.

  “I’m here with you, making love and feeling so alive,” she whispered through her tears. “She’s gone. Jocelyn’s gone. I miss her so much. It’s like a part of me is gone. I feel so guilty.”

  “Honey, you know she wouldn’t want you to feel guilty,” Phillip reminded her.

  “I know. She’d tell me to keep smiling and embrace every moment of happiness I find. I loved her so much.” Chase sobbed harder as he held her tight. Memories tumbled through her mind. From the first time she and Jocelyn had met in grade school to high school graduation to rooming together at college. Jocelyn had always been a part of her life.

  “I don’t know how to let her go,” Chase cried. “I don’t think I can.”

  She bawled until there was nothing left, and he held her the whole time. Finally, she lifted her head and looked down at him.

  “I need to go see her grave,” she stated.

  “I know,” he said with a nod. “Give yourself a few days. Then I’ll take you there.”

  “I can’t put it off,” she said. “I…I think I need to see it to make it click in my head she’s really gone. Does that make any sense?”

  “It does. You missed the funeral where everyone else had a chance to say goodbye. I can’t imagine everything you’re feeling. It’s been one thing after another since you woke up. I know you want to do this, but I really think you should give yourself a little time to adjust.”

  She wiggled against him, trying to get comfortable, and heard him catch his breath.

  “Phillip?” she asked.

  “Just a few days,” he continued. “You just got out of the hospital.”

  “I can’t put off the hard things and only do the ones I want,” she admonished.

  “Give yourself a few days,” he urged again. “You need to rest and relax. Ease yourself back into things.”

  “Nothing too strenuous or taxing, huh?” She shifted her position again and watched him catch his breath as she brushed his hard-on.

  “Exactly.”

  She leaned up, bracing her elbow on his chest, and smiled softly down at him. “That didn’t stop you from ravaging me earlier. Twice.”

  He twisted until she was under him once more. His erection flexed against her thigh.

  “Maybe, I’m the one who needs time with you. You might not remember the two weeks we were apart, but I recall every lonely night perfectly. Then another two weeks of watching you in that hospital bed and praying you’d wake up. I was terrified I’d never get to hold you again like this. I don’t want to let you go, not yet. A few days, Ace,” he said. “Then, maybe, I can let you out of this bed.”

  “Well, why didn’t you say t
hat’s how you wanted to spend the next few days?”

  “I want to spend the rest of my life making love to you,” he vowed. He opened his mouth then closed it.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Nothing,” he said with a shake of his head. “You can’t imagine how many times over the last weeks I’ve dreamed of having you just like this.”

  She slid one hand between their bodies and found the solid length of his erection. She wrapped her fingers around him, stroking up and down. She loved the way his eyes widened, his nostrils flared and his penis flexed against her palm.

  “Help me forget?” she asked. “Just for a little while longer, let me pretend there’s just me and you and nothing else exists.”

  “Just the two of us,” he agreed.

  He urged her thighs wider and entered her softly, her eager flesh molding to his as he stroked deep inside. She lost herself in the powerful movement of his body possessing hers. He urged her legs higher, and she curved them around his waist, bowing up and meeting each hard thrust.

  “Only the two of us,” she said with a moan, repeating the words he’d said.

  “Only us, honey,” he agreed.

  He slid a hand down between them and rubbed his thumb over the swollen nub of her clitoris. Her breath caught and held as sensation shot through her like a firework, igniting every nerve ending she possessed. They exploded at once, sending a kaleidoscope of colors flashing behind her tightly shut eyes. She opened her mouth on a soundless scream as her orgasm consumed her.

  “Phillip!” She finally forced his name out on a whoosh of air as she fought to breathe.

  He joined her with a loud groan, body going taut above her, every muscle tight as he pressed impossibly deeper. Then he seemed to collapse atop her, blanketing her with his bulk. She didn’t want him to move. He was so solid and strong, and he made her feel infinitely alive. She needed that more in this moment than ever before.